Tastes like chicken.

Yep, unlike most people my internet surfing does not inevitably lead to porn (not most days anyway!), it leads to food. 

Tonight's dinner is going to be cranberry orange chicken in the crock pot.

http://www.food.com/recipe/cranberry-orange-chicken-crock-pot-346249

I altered the spice combo a bit, made my own cranberry sauce out of dried cranberries (leftover from Brian 's cranberry rolls recipe from Thanksgiving) used fresh squeezed orange juice and added some orange zest.  Those of you who know me know that recipes are more like guidelines instead of rules, and that I usually can't exactly replicate a recipe because I don't write anything down or follow directions. 

Let's just say that a lot of things I cook are a bit experimental.  Making the cranberry sauce, for instance.  I've never done that, and didn't even look for a recipe... I just did it.  I wasn't sure it would do what I wanted it to.  So far it tastes right and seems to be behaving the way I wanted.  Won't know for sure till it takes a turn through the immersion blender, but I have to wait for GFB to get up first. (The blender is a bit noisy)

And the chicken breasts came from Zaycon Foods, Internet purveyor of bulk meats.  https://zayconfoods.com 

The chicken was the first meat we bought from them, and their reviews were mixed online, but we decided to take a chance.  The process wasn't exactly smooth, because of a supplier issue our pickup date was changed.  I think twice.  But the chicken we got was (is) great.  Not a ton of effort to process.  It came on large bags and we separated it into manageable family sized portions and vac sealed it for the freezer.  The breasts are HUGE!  2 breasts feeds our family of 3 adults, with leftovers.  And it tastes... Like chicken.

http://www.food.com/recipe/cranberry-orange-chicken-crock-pot-346249

Projects and the "To Do List"

Holidays are always a busy time of year.  Wait... Who am I kidding, it's busy all year 'round.  Right now I'm struggling with a list of things I need to do, things I want to do, and things I actually have time for.  Unfortunately, there really aren't too many items that fall on all three lists. 

I really need to study for my National Certification exam.  This is a professional thing, that will net me a one time cash bonus, and look good on my annual evaluation, hopefully assisting me in getting the best annual step raise possible for my pay grade.  This is a must do kind of thing.  But.... BLEH.  I really hate studying and really haven't been able to just buckle down and do it.  I toyed with just singing up to take the test and paying the money, thus forcing myself to study, but was talked out of this plan in favor of studying a bit more first and maybe getting consistently higher scores on practice exams first.  Good in theory, but since the day we talked about that I've barely touched the book or study materials.  *sigh*

Last night at work, I ran into an issue with medication.  It was classified as "Chemo" even though it isn't really.  Problem is the policy for the facility where I work was very vague and unclear about wether or not I could hang this medication, as I'm not "Chemo Certified".  Problem is there wasn't really anyone else to do it, because very few people on the night shift are.  So now getting this certification back (I was certified by a different state in the past) is kind of a priority.  But like the above certification exam, it costs money to take the class that's required to sit for the exam.  I'm far from broke, but there are other things that hit my financial priority list at the moment. (fodder for another post)  But, again the flip side is that obtaining this certification will help me come evaluatio time for my annual raise. 

Then there's the fact that I need to ,want to, and ought to go back to school for my Bachelors degree.  And then possibly farther for my Masters degree.  Same argument for this.  Costs money, lack of time etc.  And flip side is also the same, potential for more future income. 

So why can't I make myself do these things?  Why do I never seem to have the time despite the fact that I only work 7 days out of 14?  Because I have other things to do.  Like sleep. Spend time with my Significant Others, clean the house, do the laundry, grocery shop, and the other various minutiae of life.  (Don't read this to mean that I do all these things alone.... I don't.)

I go to a piloxing class twice a week every other week as my work schedule allows.  I'd like to go more often, and go to the gym, or to a yoga class, or a spin class every once in a while, but with my night work schedule, it's kind of hard to do these things. Not all classes are offered every day, and frankly if it comes down to a choice of exercise class or sleep?  Sleep is going to win every damn time.  Not even a question. 

There's also a lot of organizing and decluttering to be done at home, related to a move in the next 6 months or so.  Mind you the majority of the stuff that needs decluttering and trashing isn't mine.  And I'm not going to nag to get it done.  But it still causes me stress. 

Then there's the whole reason we need to move thing.  We're buying a house.  Or at least we're trying to.  And we have a deadline.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock.  Nah, not stressful at all.  (This..... is sarcasm)

I want all of us to actually go out and do things.  Together.  Not always the easiest thing to do since two of us work the night shift , and the other gets up at the crack of  0'dark 30 to go to work , and goes to bed super early, exhausted nearly every weekday, and most weekends too.  Kind of doesn't really leave any time for pleasure outings.  It barely leaves time for necessities.  This is far from ideal, but I really don't see this changing in the immediate future, so It's just one of those things I have to live with even if its not what I want.

Does anyone know how to make clones?  I'd like one for Christmas, but unfortunately I can't find one on Amazon for my wish list. 

Shift work and the "Night Shifter Culture"

This is kind of a shout out to all those working the night shift.  It doesn't matter what profession you're in, Medicine, Nursing, Transportation, Emergency Services, Retail Services, or Food Service, or any other job that has a night shift, we night shifters are a special breed.

I happen to work in The medical field, as an RN.  I've worked the night shift for the better part of the last 10 years, and I can't imagine ever going back to the day shift permanently.  The culture of the night shift is markedly different from that of day shifters.  And it goes beyond the gerneralization of "sleep during the day, and awake while its dark".  The personalities and behavior of night shifters everywhere is different than peole who work days.  Over the years I've found that the "Night" people are more team oriented and cooperative.  I believe they're more "Us" and "team" oriented, whereas "Day" people are more "Me, myself and I".  This has been pervasive across several facilities in 2 states.  Two states that are 1100 miles apart.  I don't believe this is a fluke.  I'm sure someone has done research on this that I could Google. 

I think that the night shift is just more laid back, easy going and fun.  Granted, that may be because there is limited management looking over our shoulder, and there are just less people to give us a hassle in the middle of the night.  I also think that because there are less people to interact with on the night shift, that introverts are a drawn to it.  I (being a bit of an introvert myself) prefer the night shift because I feel less micromanaged, I enjoy my independence, and I have a severe lack of tolerance for stupidity.  I think the night shift is neater, and overall more thourough.  Perhaps that is because us introverts tend to be a bit on the OCD side as well? 

Sometimes being a night shifter is awkward.  We drink wine at 8am, and are still in our jammies at 2 pm on a good day, maybe till 5pm on a bad one.  Day people tend to judge us on these two traits.  And they call us in the middle of the afternoon, during our prime sleep time.  Really?  How'd you like it if I called you at 3am for something completely bullshit?  People leave for work and let their dogs out.  Because they're at work they don't hear them bark.  All. Day. Long..... Every. Single. Day.
If an entire neighborhood of dogs barked incessantly all night long, I'm pretty sure a lot of somebody's would have a problem with that. But because it happens during the day "it's not a big deal".  Any official business you need to partake in, like a doctors appointment, an auto repair appointment, picking up a prescription, taking your dog to the vet, calling your lawyer, going to the bank, etc.., need to be done during the day.  Very inconvenient for those of us who keep the world functioning by going to work at night.  But on the plus side, if you have a 24 hr grocery store, there's never a line at 3am!

Thankful

Thanksgiving is over.  Thankfully.  It was initially nice to have somewhere to go for the holiday (or for the weekend after the holiday).  And it was even better to come home today, because I swear that was possibly the most uncomfortable weekend I've spent in a very long time.  I can't really bitch too much, because I kinda asked for it.  Really though, there's nothing quite like feeling (knowing) that someone is incredibly uncomfortable with your presence, but really having no option but to continue to be IN their presence.  Definitely not a feeling I want to repeat. 

Thanksgiving week being over also means that one of the hardest weeks of the year for me is also over.  I lost my grandmother a year ago last week. And then 6 months later my grandfather as well.  So the anniversary of my grandmothers passing, And both of their birthdays fall in the same week.  Needless to say already not a great week for me.  There were definitely some tears, and a lot of sad moments.

But on a happier note, this upcoming week is also a notable week.  This time last year I started to seriously consider the prospect of moving.  And that's how I ended up here.  I think it's worth a mention because it's quite possibly the best thing I could've done for myself.  I've been here 8 months and I'm not sorry I made the move.  Things are moving forward nicely in most regards, and a house is now on our immediate to do list (that in and of itself is another post just waiting to happen).

So I really do have a lot to be thankful for.

Shifting schedules, and unimportant random stuff

It's 0330 and I'm up all alone.  My schedule has gone to the night shift, and I am still getting acclimated.  Loving the new job (Thank God) , and the people I'm working with.  As with all new jobs there are some things that I need to get used to, like weird policy and procedure issues, and figuring out who the hell to call at 3 am if there's an issue.  And trying to figure out where stuff is.  Because I can never seem to find what I want when I want it.  November is "like 1/3 over".  (Yes I now realize its the 5th, I somehow thought it was later)  And then he expressed a hope that my math at work was better.  (It IS...  mainly because I use calculators and pumps and other tools to make sure I'm accurate.  I know better than to do important math's in my head!)

On another note:

Perused some of the election results from last night.  I'm perplexed and incredulous at the same time.  Mostly about the legalization of marijuana in 3 more states.  Don't misunderstand me....  I'm not necessarily against decriminalizing weed, but the things that voters will decriminalize, and the things they continue to criminalize or vote down is amazing.  For example same sex marriage..... Most states have yet to legalize this, and some don't even recognize a legal one from another state.  But voters are totally ok with half the country getting high, on a known gateway drug, that has major health consequences.  I don't really understand how people rationalize some things in their head. 

Also, Random find from the internet....

http://fox4kc.com/2014/03/28/missouri-woman-pleads-guilty-to-bigamy/

In most states Bigamy is a FELONY.  In Missouri, its a class A Misdemeanor.  The last person was convicted of this crime in Missouri was a woman, convicted this year, and was only fined $500.  No jail time.   
Weird.                  

This shit's getting real.

Just started a new job, which I absolutely LOVE.  BFB just started his new job.  He hasn't been there long enough to love it, but at this point it's safe to say that he doesn't hate it.  GFB has a job.  And that's about all the nice I can say about that.  And I've always been told "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  So, life is rolling along and things are going well. Nothing is perfect, and frankly I don't expect it to be.  That's the nature of life.

Biggest issue these days is that with work schedules we all just don't seem to really have any free time to connect with each other, to enjoy free time together.  Now, BFB and I are kind of solitary types.  Definitely need our alone time, for our own mental health and cookies.  But we can have "alone time" while we're in the same room, on the same couch even.  We can do that and not need to talk.  And often we will do this for hours at a time.

Now, our schedules are exactly opposite each other.  On the days I'm off...  he's working 12 hours.  and vice versa.  Now add to that the fact that in 2 weeks I start nights again.  SO He's going to be off and on a day schedule, while I'm trying to sleep.  Meaning he's going to be home when I'm home and because I have to sleep, I STILL don't get to spend any time with him.  And GFB gets up at the ass crack of dawn every week day, comes home after work and physical therapy and can barely stay awake long enough to not fall asleep in her mashed potatoes at the dinner table.

None of these things are really great news.  Now, I'm not really worried about the relationship.  We love each other and this is one of those temporary speed bumps that we have to deal with in the course of building a life together.  So I'm not really worried. (I said that already didn't I?)
Now add in this little world crisis called Ebola.

For those of you that don't know  (and why would you?  Who reads this crap anyway?) I work in health care.  For the Government.  Not only is Ebola coming, it's already here.  There are many different schools of thought about this disease.  Some aren't really afraid, and are listening to the supposed "people in the know" that say that it'll never overwhelm this country because of our fantastic medical system and resources.  I'd like to live in their fantasy world.  ME??  I'm scared.  There's a 99.9-100% chance that I'm going to encounter this virus in the course of my daily work in the next 6 months to a year.  I'm undecided what I'm going to do at that point.

BFB mentioned in his own blog post that we're having some hard discussions at home.  We are.
Mainly about what I'm supposed to do when this virus does hit my hospital here in quiet Middle America.  Do I come home?  Do I continue to go to work?  Can I afford not to?  If I do work, can I or should I continue to come home?  Am I confident in my ability to don and doff my PPE 110% correctly each and every time?  Am I confident in the PPE the Government is going to give me to work with?  The unfortunate answer to these questions is terrifyingly "I don't know", and in one or two cases, "NO"

So now this is my reality.  I have significant others that I love to the end of the earth and back, but that I barely see even now.  What happens if I have to work with this plague, and we as a group decide that it's probably better if I don't come home until things cool off.  On one hand, I'm pissed that I can't (or won't) go home.  But on the other, do I want to risk exposing those I love to something horrific?  Where does that put all of us relationship wise?  Again... terrifying answer is "I don't know".

All I know right now is that despite the fact that I love my job, I'm not sure healthcare is the best industry to be in right now. FML.

Weddings

Weddings.  So many different kinds.  Different kinds for different folks.  Some are simple, some are fancy, and some are dramatic.  I feel like the type of wedding you and yours choose says a lot about your relationship style.  

My first one was relatively mellow, but combined with the trappings of a holiday.  I'm not really sure what that says about the relationship.  The fact that we're now divorced (almost) seems to say a lot more.  

2 years ago I said I'd never do it again.  Funny how now that it's not an option, I feel disappointed that it's not.  Feeling that way about a couple things lately.

That's just me being melancholy.  And it's silly.  These are things that I can't change.  And I'm happy with my life.  

Guess it's just human nature to want what we can't have.

Back into the swing of things, a genreal Life update

After a week of Orientation, or what I like to refer to as "Death By Powerpoint"  I am finally back in an ICU.  I am happy to see that I haven't lost my ICU skills, and that as much as I thought this would be stressful, it isn't.  It is certainly a bit different from what I'm used to, but it's not a bad different.  Just a "different" kind of different. 
Everyone here has been extremely kind and welcoming.  I've even been tagged by one of the nurse educators that did my first week of "hospital orientation" to help teach a new Blood Administration class sometime this fall.  The Unit Culture where I work is very similar to where I came from, even though the ICU here is smaller in scale and quite a bit less busy.  I am getting the hang of things in the new place, and feel like I made the right choice and that this is a good place for me, now... and long term.
There are definitely some skills I need to brush up on, and I've already started doing so, but all in all I feel very comfortable with my skills, and clearly so do those who are orienting me.  My first day I was basically told that since I had significant ICU experience that they were going to see what I was "made of".  They weren't going to let me sink, but they wanted to see how well I could swim.  And threw me into the deep end of the proverbial ICU nursing pool.  Well, I think I did a hell of a lot better than they expected me to.  That's not to say I didn't need a bit of help, because the paperwork, computer system and charting are all quite a bit different that what I'm used to, but for my first day I know I exceeded my own expectations and I hope I exceeded theirs.  Today was day 3, and I am functioning almost completely independently.  I'm pretty happy with that.
At some point, probably when my official "orientation" wraps up, and I am really cut loose on my own, I'm going back to school for my bachelors degree, and maybe farther. I was lucky to get hired where I am with only an associates degree, and don't have a lot of advancement opportunities (read this as raises in my salary) without furthering my education.  I also, sorta, kinda, maybe, might be interested in teaching at some point, which makes an advanced degree a necessity.  I'm thinking online nursing program, with an RN to MSN track.  (If anyone knows of a good one out there, I'm willing to entertain recommendations.)
On the home front things are looking good.  BFB has a job offer, and will hopefully start work soon.  Right now he has a bit of time off, (probably not enough), and can hopefully relax a little after the stresses of the past few months. 
Still waiting for the estate to settle, this has become significantly more than a painful thorn in my side that I am looking forward to getting rid of.  Enough is enough already.
The divorce is reportedly only waiting for a judges signature.  That was supposed to be finalized by the end of September, but I've yet to receive paperwork to that effect.  My lawyer however, has been very prompt in sending me his final bill. 
(I'm sure no one is shocked)

Off to hit the books.  Happy Fall everyone.

Back to being an adult.

The last 6 months or so have been pretty busy.  Moving, new job.... Ok NO job.  Sick family, funeral, family drama to the max.  Another short term job, and permanent hire at a new job that I had to wait to start (government red tape), divorce delays and dean, continuing family drama, boyfriend getting laid off, girlfriend having surgery, and starting a new job, and now boyfriend starting a new job... (Also waiting on the gov't red tape)

Tomorrow is my first day at the new job.  I'm hoping to hell this works out, because I'm tired of moving around, and for the immediate future and likely forever, travel nursing no longer holds an appeal for me.  I'm nervous but hopeful that today is a new start.  There are plans in place for the future.  But regardless of plans or timing... I have found my forever.

Back to the day to day

Back home for a week and back into the day to day routine.  It's a bit different, as at this point I'm the only one not working. (At least for now). My gainful employment doesn't start for another 5 weeks. So I'm cheif cook and bottle washer for now.  I really don't mind, and actually enjoy taking care of BFB and GFB.  I like cooking and I'm doing a fair bit of it.  Nothing impressive, but tasty nonetheless.  

I also started the process for my newest volunteer gig.  Going to spend some time at Kansas City Hospice.  Interviewed today and saw the facility, which is fantastic.  Paperwork and the like is in progress.  Love taking care of things at home, but need to talk to other people, and get out of the house too.  I'd like to make some friends too.  Because since I've been here, I really haven't had the opportunity to make any.  

Adventure day #11

Day 11 starts before sunrise.  I have quite a way to go in total today, and want to get an early start.  Today is Sans Dunes National Park.  Also want to be early, because apparently the sand can get pretty hot. The views there were fantastic.  I made the mile and a half hike to the top of the first large dune.  Took me 2 hours.  Sand is tough to walk uphill in!

Next stop, Colorado Springs and Pikes Peak.  I had no reservation for the cog rail that goes to the top and figured I'd be waiting till the next day, which was fine, because I had a hotel room for the night. Surprise, but they can get me on the next train.  Boards in 30 minutes.   Score.  Made the very long ride to the top.  Where we get to stay for all of 30 minutes before going back.  Took some pics, peed, bought a t shirt.  Back on the train for the ride back.  Didn't notice the altitude so much as I did in Flagstaff, but I am now exhausted.  Back to the hotel, and a call to have pizza delivered.

Ate an entire small pizza from dominos.  They have gluten free crust, and they deliver. Both make me happy. After dinner a shower and bedtime.  It was 7 pm.  Fast forward to 10 pm.  Wide awake.... Definitely not going back to sleep.  It was in this moment tgat I came to the realization that the only place I wanted to go now, was home.  I wanted my own bed, and familiar smells, GFB and frank.  And BFB snoring in my ear.

So, I checked out of the hotel.  The clerk was the same one who checked me in.  Gave me a strange look.  Started driving. Google says it's 9 hrs.  I can do this.  And I'll surprise everyone.  GFB will have already gone to work, but BFB should be in bed, as he's working tonite.  Around 530 when I start getting my good morning texts from GFB, I realize that it's a nice idea to surprise BFB, but as we own guns, and they're easily accessible, perhaps I shouldn't be sneaking into the house and into without warning him.

I do this, and he is still surprised.  Home at 830 am, and right into bed.  

Yep.  This is my place. The only place I want.  I belong right here.

Adventure update days 6-10

Yellowstone was absolutely amazing.  The place is huge.  The thermal features , pools and geysers were fantastic and I got some good pics. (Sorry I'm not posting them, I have a serious lack of ambition and it's all I can do to write this!) I stayed there the entire day, from 8 am till 1030 pm.  I saw Old faithful at 840 pm, the last time to view before it got too dark to see.  And I showed up just a few minutes before the eruption, so I didn't even have to wait long! 
I know many foreigners say that americans are rude, and I tend to agree, however the foreigners aren't any better.  walking 3 abreast and not leaving room for others to go around, and being generally obtrusive.  But the Americans were doing the same thing.  My biggest gripe is with people whose children are obnoxious loud and whiny.  The park is very serene and quiet, and more than once
(and more than once by the same child) my serene walks and communing with nature were interrupted by the shrieks of an out of control child. 
OK.  I'm off my soapbox now. 
Night 6 was spent in my car at a roadside picnic area in Gardnier Montana.  It was too late to get a room, too expensive, and I was too damn tired. It was almost freezing overnight, and only 42 degrees since I woke up. 
My plan for day #7 was to meander down to southern Colorado to do Mesa Verde before heading east across Colorado the next day.  I realized when planning this trip that southwestern Colorado would place me roughly 5 hours from my bestie in Flagstaff.  After realizing that she likely wasn't on call (I can't really say what she does... but lets say she works for an agency with a 3 letter acronym and carries a gun to work while dealing with bad guys).  So I decided to take the most direct route to Flagstaff, via Utah.  Needless to say it was a very long drive.  I arrived around 330 am Flagstaff time.  Which is weird time as that part of Arizona does not observe Daylight Savings time.  And neither does part of Utah.  so I went in and out of areas that did observe it.  The time on my phone flipped back and forth several times on the journey.  Very Strange.  I was also very tired.  I stopped about 2 hours from her to get gas. I was apparently on the Indian Reservation.  She meant to tell me not to stop there in the dark.  She forgot.  Some Tall Large Native man attempted to sell me drugs.  Aggressively attempted to sell me drugs.  The fact that I had possession of a particular "Item" was apparently enough to make the gentleman decide that "No" really meant "Get the hell away from me right now I don't want your f#%king drugs a$$&@le!"  About 40 minutes after this incident I was just too tired to drive anymore.  There was not any real place to stop, so I pulled over in a small roadside pull off to nap for an hour.  Needless to say I slept with my "Item" in my lap.
Finally I arrived at besties house, had a drink and a nap.  We had a fantastic time
Saturday night and Sunday night.  Saturday night involved alcohol.  I did not take into appropriate consideration that the elevation might affect my alcohol absorption.  I ended up a bit more buzzed than intended.  Oops!
Left this morning.  Day #10.  Tried to stop at Mesa Verde to see the cliff dwellings, but it was monsooning at the time, so I made a brief potty stop and meandered my way east through Colorado.  I am now stopped about an hour from Sand Dunes National park, which is my first intended stop tomorrow.  I am now in a cheap, but not too sketchy motelish type place kinda off the beaten path.
The plan for now is to watch a bit of tv, have a snack, and then go to bed.  My "Item" will be easily available.  The place isn't really sketchy, but... It'll make me feel better all the same.

Adventure Day #5

Today was a very long day.  Glad I slept in.  Got up at 0730, and showered and was on the road by 0815.  First Stop.... STURGIS.  Yes, I know, Crazy.  It was extremely crowded, which I usually hate, and it took me 10 minutes to find anywhere to park.  Walked down Main Street.... completely in awe of the sheer number and types of bikes.  It defies imagination.  I really wasn't looking for anything in particular, just wanted the "Sturgis Experience".  Or at least however much of the experience I can get without a motorcycle!  During the day, its actually pretty tame.  I get the impression that after dark.. it gets a bit more wild.  I've been meaning to expand my Angel Tattoo to include "Gpa" under the "Gma" that's already there.  What better place to get tatted?  So I got a tattoo at Sturgis!

Second stop of the day... Devils Tower, Wyoming.  Awe inspiring and impressive.  I could see it for miles in the distance before actually getting there.  And the first glimpse I got of it coming over a rise in the road....  I immediately started to hear the tones from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind".  After I posted a pic on FB, BFB was nice enough to include that via post from youtube.  Thanks B!
Side note, I was NOT abducted or probed, and I will not be playing in my mashed potatoes!

After that I made the very long, long, long trip toward Yellowstone.  It was a very long drive.  But that being said...  The drive was phenomenal.  Indescribably beautiful.  By far the most amazing part of my trip so far.  The rock formations in the Black Hills were towering, and very impressive.  You never knew what you were going to see around the next turn.  The road was twisty, windy, steep, narrow, and sooooo fun to drive.  I would've given damn near anything to have been on the back of a bike, and able to just watch all the scenery go by.  I feel like I missed a lot, and couldn't properly appreciate it, because I had to drive.  I feel really bad for everyone who was stuck behind me with no passing zone in sight.  I'm sorry, but I'm not likely to ever see this again, I want to see as much and appreciate as much as I can!  I stopped lots of spots to take pictures, but I wanted to stop all the time.  If I'd done that I'd never get anywhere.  So many of the great spots are just memories in my head.
From there I went through The Bighorn National Forest's southern edge.  The forest here was spectacularly primordial.  It was so beautiful and quiet and unspoiled and pure.  The sky looked more Blue, the air smelled clean like the pines.  I could've stayed forever.  Then I came out of the forest and over the hill, and the landscape was dramatically different.  It was dry, arid, and almost desert like with bluffs, and buttes, and scraggly brush, and rolling hills, sky you could see for miles and miles, and mountains in the distance.  And then the long desolate stretches of road, with nary a town, or building for tens of miles.  I had the radio off for most of my drive, and didn't really miss it.

Tomorrow, Yellowstone.

Adventure day #4

Addendum for last night...

It stormed for hours. Lots of thunder and lightening.  Add that to the tick I found in the tent, and I didn't sleep fantastically.

Woke up at 6 to rain.  According to my trusty weather app..the rain would be stopping around 7.  Back to sleep for me.  Up again at 715.

Packed up the tent.  Shoved it unfolded in its bag.  It was wet and needed to be propetly dried and folded. Not happening this morning.  Maybe later.  Really didn't want to sleep in it again wet.

First stop, Gas.  Where my coffee was free when I got gas.  Nice start to my day, and good coffee at that.

Now across into South Dakota.  Much better roads immediately.  Iowa and Nebraska have some crappy roads.  

Stopped at The Corn Palace in Mitchell.  There was renovation of the actual structure going on, so it wasn't all covered in corn.  So needless to say I was not impressed.  But it was the first major town I'd seen in 2 days.  Walmart, Walgreens and a Mc Donald's all in the same place.

On the highway to Wall, and famous Wall Drug.  I don't even have words to describe it, but anyone who's driven on I 95 on the east coast... I liken it to South of The Border.  But better.  Way more atmosphere, nicer shops.  But sadly... No flying sombrero ride.  They even had the signs along the road for over 100 miles.  And there were bikes galore in town on the way to Sturgis.

I got a free bumper sticker.

I also made a hotel reservation for later from here.  I knew I was gonna end up near Sturgis... And this week is "the" Sturgis week. Hotel acquired in Keystone.  So on I drive.

Keystone.... Also packed with bikes.  But kinda cool.  Because of the time change, I had time.... I was early enough to go hit Mount Rushmore.  It's faces carved in the rock.  Huge.  Strange.  Really.

Then onto the hotel.  Which is decent.  More expensive than I wanted, but when it's Sturgis, and you book same day... I think it's fine.  Dinner acquired, back to he hotel after driving through torrential rain, sitting at a rest area with about 200 bikers waiting for said rain to lessen, for over an hour.  Walk into town, less than a block... Bought some t-shirts, and back to the hotel to do my laundry (free!!) and dry out my tent with my room airconditioner!  Now time for bed.  

Adventure day# 3

Up and out of Clear Lake early.  First stop was the memorial at the crash site where Buddy Holly was killed in 1959.

 

Today was mostly a driving day.  However I did manage to stop and see the worlds largest popcorn ball along the way.  

Tried to see the Castles in Ida Grove, but I had zero cell service, no google maps, and had no idea where to find them.  I realize that I could have just stopped into any open business and asked for directions, and I probably should have.  But I was feeling a bit off today, irrationally anxious.... Although I have no legit reason as to why.  I just didn't feel like interacting with people.  So I went along on my way.

GFB texted and made me feel a bit better, and not so anxious, but the feeling persisted.

Needless to say I was very happy to get to camp tonight.  Google maps gets a big fat booo over its directions to said campsite.  It led me seriously astray.  Like onto stone/dirt roads into nowhere. 

While retracing my route, I randomly passed a sign for the state park.  Otherwise I might still be driving.  

The tent sites here are seriously isolated. From eachother and everything else.  There are 16 tent sites on a 3 mile loop.  And my site is so far off the road and downhill I can't see the parking area or the road from my site.

If I didn't have other places to go, I'd consider staying here another night. It's really picturesque, and pretty.  

Adventure day #2

Started the day early.  Like 0545 early.  Woke up to a very wet tent.  Not inside, but soaked on the outside.  It didn't rain, but the fog on the bluff was thick enough to cut with a knife.  

Packed up camp and was on the go by 630.  Went to town for breakfast, and say with a very nice group of seniors at the local diner.  Finished my to go coffee while looking at this.

Not a bad way to start the morning.  

Drove into Dubuque, and got a good look at the Mississippi.

Didn't ride the train at Fenlon place.  I just drove to the top. Not particularly impressive.

Next stop... McGregor and the first Pikes Peak state park.  Fantastic views!

On to Effigy Mounds state park, where there's a bunch of lumpy mounds that aren't really much to look at from the ground.  And the hike to the point was all uphill.  Very glad it wasn't blisteringly hot out.  But it was a pretty walk.

This little guy was nice enough to pose for a photo.

Back in the card or the short drive to Decorah, and the Ice Cave.  It really is frozen in the summer!  Cold enough inside to see my breath in the air, and you could feel the cold air coming out of the cave before you got to the entrance.  I only went in as far as you could go standing up.  I could've gone farther if I was willing to crawl through a tiny tunnel, apparently it opens up again into a larger cave with more spectacular ice.... But I wasn't willing to crawl an unknown distance in the pitch dark. (The entire cave is dark, but I had a small headlamp)

For those of you who know me well, you know I don't do small spaces, so you probably aren't surprised.  

Still in Decorah was Dunning's Spring Waterfall.  A small falls by my NY standards, but still pretty.  I chose to climb the falls in my bare feet to get a shot from the top

The water was ICY!

After my feet thawed enough to feel my clutch I started the drive to Clear Lake.  Clear lake is mostly known for being the site of the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper.

Snagged a campsite at the state park, and was set up in no time.  With the door of the tent facing the right way this time.

Went for a swim in the lake, which I frankly think was misnamed.  The water is definitely NOT clear.  But it was warm enough to not shriek when going in yet cool enough to be refreshing after a hot sweaty day.

After my trip to town for dinner (cold hot dogs because I was too lazy to start a fire, an apple, and a mini box of wine) 

I chatted up the gentleman across the way about his car.  A 1926 model T.

Which he admits is not a perfect restoration, but it suits him just fine!

Clouds are rolling in and thunder in the distance tell me I may get rained on... But after this morning, at least I know the tents waterproof.  

Adventure day 1

 Well, day one is in the books.  I'm having a great time. Long drive through some really pretty country.  First stop, Eldon Iowa..... Home of the American Gothic house.  And yes.... I got a goofy picture taken.  Those that know me via FB can view the picture. It is genuinely goofy, and I'm again reminded why I'm never IN the pictures.  It was only a brief stop, but definitely worth the time and miles.  

Second stop... Columbus Junction Iowa, and Lovers Leap swinging bridge.  

It does indeed swing when you walk on it.  Even more so when other someone's are walking on it in the opposite direction.  

Last stop of the day... Bellevue State Park in Bellevue Iowa.  I happened to snag the last campsite when I arrived just after 5.  Lucky me.  I say this seriously yet at the same time with a bit of wry sarcasm.  I like to camp, but until now all camping excursions with one exception (the first time over 15 years ago) have been in the relative comfort of a smallish yet incredibly solid and sturdy popup camper.  I had previously vowed to never camp in a tent again.  Although that may have had something to do with the fact that it was drizzling for 3 days and we were sleeping in a very cozy (read SMALL) tent with a toddler in diapers, who incidentally had some sort of GI bug that weekend. But tonight this campground was a conveniently located and cheap place to stay. At $11.00 for the non water, non electric site, I think it was a pretty decent bargain, even if I did have to construct my bed and actual sleeping quarters. Bathrooms and showers in easy walking distance.  Which was a good thing, because I was seriously sweaty after setting up the tent.  I also did so with the door facing in the wrong direction.  I didn't care enough to take it down and have a do over. It didn't go up quite as easily as it did when BFB instructed me in its setup in our back yard a couple weeks ago, so at this point I was just happy it was up, and in an appropriate tenty shape. (BFB incidentally told me after this when I called from town, that there are zip doors on both sides.  WRONG... There is a zip window in the back, but it does not open to the outside...)

No cell service on the park, and spotty service at best in town, so I called from a clear spot to let BFB and GFB know I had landed at my intended stopping point safely.  I also picked up dome hard cider and done much needed dinner. Up till that point, a soda and a snickers bar, along with a bottle of water had beeny nutritional intake for the day.

So now I'm all showered (pull chain shower with not hot water) and fed... And sitting watching the world go by from camp with a mostly cold beverage in my hand.

I gotta say the view is damn fine. And gratefully very few bugs, and so far none of the bitey kind.

I'll post this as soon as I have a decent phone signal in the morning.

Another installment will likely be available tomorrow might

Good night all

(Addendum #1... I now know why there aren't any bugs.  As it's gotten dark... There is a quite large population of bats.  They were quite elegant whilst catching their dinner, but came a little close for my comfort.  So I have retreated to my tent after one last bathroom trip.)

(Addendum #2... The inflatible sleeping pad is actually quite comfortable.... For someone my size.  I think when BFB takes it on his solo camping trip he might find it a smidge on the small side.  It was also a bitch to get out of the cinch sack, and I have no clue if I'll be able to get it or my sleeping bag back into them.)

(Addendum #3.... I will be stopping at a pharmacy type place or a WalMart tomorrow for earplugs.  I like Mother Nature fine, but in the middle of the woods, She, and the owl in the tree directly behind my tent were quite peepy-cheepy and hooty.)

On the road again

Tomorrow morning I start my trip.  I have a loose plan, a list of things I'd like to see and places to go, and an atlas.

The plan will probably evolve and morph as I drive depending on my whim, mood, weather and the moment.  For a good long while there's nowhere I need to be, no giant responsibility holding me down, and I can be free to do whatever the hell I want.

Don't get me wrong... I'm going to miss home, and BFB and GFB.  And sleeping alone in a tent, backseat, or cheap motel bed isn't preferred to my nice cozy bed at home and morning snuggles. But there definitely is the appeal of not having to do laundry, figure out what's for dinner, or clean the litter box.  This is about spending time with myself.  Putting my needs and wants before anyone else's.  Yes... I'm aware that this is a bit (a lot?) selfish.  Especially in light of the fact that GFB is still in a sling at home.  But I've really never done anything like this and I think it'll be good for me.  At the very least I'll have a bit of fun and get a few good pictures.

Trip planning

Trip planning underway.  Planning on Iowa, Nebraska, South Dakota, Wyoming, and Colorado.  Probably be gone about 2 weeks.  No definitive plan, no reservations, just me my smart phone and an honest to goodness atlas.  

Open to suggestions.

Little slice of perfect heaven.

This is how my day started.  After getting up at 0545...

Went to the marina to rent a boat.  Wednesdays is half off day with a coupon, and I'm not ashamed to say I used one!  $75 for an all day 24 ft pontoon boat rental... I'd lay out a coupon for that any day.

Got there first thing because we didn't want to miss a boat because we went too late.  So I went early and then back home to get BFB and GFB.  BFB was awesome and had sandwiches made and the cooler packed, and the fishing gear ready by the time I got home!

(Cooler consisted of Juice pouches, 2 types of hard cider, strawberries and cantaloupe marinated overnight in some peach skyy, Reuben sandwiches, and vanilla Pepsi.). Not bad eats for a boat trip.

The weather was fantastically beautiful, and we all enjoyed the sun.  And will probably pay for it tomorrow.  We all got a bit pink around the edges.

Swimming was great, the waters not more than 40 feet deep, so it was comfortable. Not too cool or too warm.  Just right.

We drowned a few worms and even caught a few fish.

I had a fantastic day, and I even got to drive the boat!

What to do?!

I find myself in a strange place.  Not physically, but psychologically or maybe metaphorically. 
I'm not working at the moment.  I'm waiting on the credentialing process with the Government, which takes FOREVER. I'm in a relatively new city.  I've been here since March, but really haven't made any "connections".  I have those that I live with, but I really don't have anyone I could call "Friend".
Often (OK almost ALL THE TIME) I find myself without anything to do.  Sure I could go to the mall, or to the local Mart of Wal, or wherever, but shopping really isn't it for me.  Not to mention the fact that although I have money, I am at this point technically unemployed.  Going out and spending doesn't really make a lot of sense.
My first inclination is to clean everything in sight, and reorganize, reorganize, reorganize.  Well, since at least one of my SO's is sleeping during the day most days, (often both are), making a bunch of cleaning noise really isn't nice.  and as for the reorganizing, most of the stuff isn't mine.  and even if they were awake, If I were to go on a cleaning frenzy, I'd likely drive one or both of them crazy in short order.  The fact that I already barely let a dirty dish sit in the sink for more than a few minutes, or that the second I see a laundry basket sorta full, I snatch it away to the laundry room may already be making GFB a bit crazy.
I've done as many free online CME's as I can.  Perhaps I need to scour the interweb for another decent free site.  (again, not wanting to spend unnecessary money)  I have tried sitting down with the study guide(s) for my CCRN, but just cant seem to settle to the task of really studying.
I've downloaded a bunch of books to my Kindle, and do a fair amount of reading, but none of it is what anyone would call enlightening or intellectual.  its basically crap to keep my brain from imploding out of boredom.
I spend some time outside sitting in the sun, but I'm a bit more hesitant to do that since I had a little skin scare a few weeks ago. (turns out to be nothing, but I'm not as willing to tempt fate by baking myself in the sun nonstop at this point)
I do like to run, and exercise and the like, but frankly at this time of year, Middle America is too DAMN HOT, and humid outside to do much exercising outdoors.  And the house is very space limited.  Unless there's a major stuff dump, or overhaul of the downstairs bedroom/ office/ radio room/ sewing room, I really have no place to do that either. Again not wanting to spend money for a gym. 

I've spent a good amount of time on Facebook, and playing Candy Crush, to the point that I think most of my FB friends are sick of me asking for more lives.  And also gone practically blind playing on the tiny phone screen.  I've been much more prolific with blogging.  Not sure why, I'm pretty sure almost no one reads this anyway!  Kinda makes me wish I had the plot or even the beginnings of a plot, or the ability to write.  I'd contemplate a novel.  (yeah, I hear laughter in my head at that thought too)
I'm still planning my solo trip wandering across the country to wherever I happen to feel like going, but that's a couple weeks out because of GFB's shoulder surgery.  Hopefully she'll be functional enough a week or so after that she'll be ok during the day so BFB can sleep, and ok enough to make do on her own while he's gone to work at night.  If not.... then I stay home. 
Really what I'm saying is that I'm incredibly freaking bored.  Back in NY I had friends that I'd known 15 plus years. I had a volunteer gig or two to keep me occupied.  I had a house to take care of, a yard to play with, and no one to wake up or to care if I was vacuuming, or cleaning the oven at O'dark 30.
Its very strange to be damn near (grumble) 40 and not have any friends to fall back on.

 And how the hell do you make friends at this age anyway? 

 

Pumpkin peanut butter biscuits.

Actually they're pumpkin peanut butter dog biscuits.  Just some random leftover pumpkin that needed using.  And some wheat... Freshly ground.  So far Dixie likes the raw dough, and the novelty of being allowed in the kitchen while cooking.

I've come a long way

The past few days I've been realizing how far I've come in the past 18 months.  Also realizing there are a few areas I still need to work on.

Without even knowing it BFB abd GFB are helping me overcome quite a few years of negative conditioning

It's things like the pic above that keep doing that.  The message changes daily, but it's always some version of "I love you because...."  I also reciprocate with messages for them.

Everyday I get stronger.  Everyday I take another step back toward being me.

Long story short.... Bad marriage, divorce pending, parents I no longer speak to for various reasons.  Both with one recurring theme.. Nothing I ever did was good enough, constant anxiety on my part that I wasn't doing something right, that my actions would displease *someone* and that a fight would ensue. He never laid a hand on me, but the emotional aspect of what I now realize was abuse was bad enough.  That was for 14 years, carried over from what my parents started when I was little.

It's interesting that I never really realized it was abuse.  I'm trained to recognize this in others, but for whatever reason I never saw it in my own relationship.  I'm now learning that a lot of what my reality was, isn't how life was supposed to be.

A few months ago I made an 1100 mile road trip to move out here to middle America.  At first I rejected offers of a driving buddy.  But as the time to leave drew closer I had anxiety about being able to make the trip that far.  Alone.  I'd never driven that far at all, much less by myself.  Problem was I didn't want to make it with someone else either, because all my previous road trip experiences were with the Ex.  And those almost inevitably ended up with me in tears at some point, my driving criticized, and having my passenger grabbing for dear life or flinching at every move or lane change or hard braking incident to the point where pulling over and getting out was my only option.  And driving in bad weather or heavy traffic... Panic producing, because I was so afraid to have an accident, or that I couldn't handle the heavy traffic. It would just prove that I couldn't do anything right, and was useless.

Needless to say I was glad I accepted BFB's offer to drive with me.  It was kind of a running joke with my friends at home that it was gonna be a hell of a test of a relationship (one that up to that point had been 90% long distance) to drive 1100 miles in 2 days.  At least everyone thought it was a joke.  I was petrified. All turned out well, and we made it in one piece.  No fights, no arguments, no tears.

And it wasn't a road trip without incident.... Oh no... My car tried to kill us with a cruise control malfunction on the way to breakfast.... Scary, but relatively easily fixed, and no drama about it. Then the last couple hours of the trip we encountered some SEVERE WEATHER!

I was scared enough in the passenger seat.  But BFB seemed to have a good handle on things, and I sat quietly... Keeping an eye on the surroundings and the weather radar via phone.

Then we stopped during a break in the weather for gas, and copilot tells me he's fried from driving through the storm, can I drive the rest of the way? Instant panic.  The weather looked ok then but I knew it was going to get nasty between there and home. But without saying a word, I drove.  Into the worst storm I've ever driven through.  And copilot fell asleep in the passenger seat.  Snoring. Solid asleep.  The ex never trusted me driving in GOOD weather to sleep that soundly.

Since then there have been other times when I'm amazed at how smoothly things go.  GFB and I organizing a garage and a basement, building shelves. Together.  Without fighting.  Shopping trips that don't end on tears, and another shorter road trip with BFB that went off without a hitch.

It's been 4 months of all of us living together, and just a smidge more than a year since we consider all of us "together".  

Are things perfect? Heck no.  We still fight.  We still disagree.  We still get cranky and miserable sometimes.  But it's not what I was used to.  We're all still figuring eachother and our relationship dynamics out...but I feel comfortable, and I feel safe.  That's a long way from where I was at the end of 2012.  Some of that's me, and some of that is 2 wonderful people showing me everyday what it means to be loved.  

Thank you, and I love you with all my heart.

I may still have my moments, the insecurities aren't just going to go away, but every day I get better.  

Date night

Tonite was date night with GFB.  Dinner and wine tasting with music on the restaurant patio.  Home now and I'm succumbing to the food coma.

Cats have had their Friday night tuna night. (Yes.... I know it's Wednesday)

Laundry is in progress and I am happily ensconced on the couch with GFB for random crappy movie night.  (Tonites horrible movie is "The Marriage Pact"

Totally no name actors, predictable plot line, bad cinematography and cheesy pop music.

Tomorrow is shopping for post surgery clothes for GFB.  

Back to my wine and regularly scheduled cheesy movies.

Bad weather.

Today my friends in CNY got a taste of what the weather here in middle America is on a semi regular basis.  I truly feel for those who were affected by the severe weather. 

I am also heartbroken about this....http://www.cnycentral.com/m/news/story?list=190258&id=1067743

I've gone to this drive in for years, and the place will be surely missed.  Hope the owners decide to rebuild.

Last night the storm here was a bit wild.  BFB and GFB and I were sitting out back with our feet in the pool, watching the lightening bugs, smelling the summer air, and watching the light show, and listening to the thunder in the distance from the storm that was *supposed* to go to the north of is on the other side of the highway. 

All of a sudden the wind kicked up, and BFB made a comment that essentially stated we were about to have some not so pleasant weather.  In the process of packing up our chairs, kindles, iPhones and adult beverages.. A tree branch, albeit a small one comes flying at us.  Needless to say, the packing up process got a little less orderly and amounted to grab your stuff and run!  GFB wore a good portion of her beverage, and proceeded into the shower. BFB and I were somewhat luckier in the beverage department, and decided to hang out on the porch with the neighbors. BFB made a run inside for car keys to the newest vehicle when a distinct cracking noise was heard from the tree above where the car was parked.

Other than some wind and rain, essentially no damage.

Hopefully we can get through the remainder of summer storm season just as unscathed.

Post 4th happiness

BFB has a few days off work. (Fingers crossed here that no one calls in for the next 3 days). Today was a sleep in kind of day.  Up at 1430 ish... Caffeinated... And off to the range.  

Much better luck at the range today than last Sunday.  I'm gonna have a wicked bruise on my shoulder from his .308 but I'm not particularly upset.  I'll just add it to the ones on my foot and arm from my trampoline gymnastics the other night. (Don't ask.... But I have been reminded by these activities that I am indeed not 21 anymore!)

Home from the range, after a quick stop at Wally World for a few dinner fixins, to make dinner.  (White wine, garlic, basil and Dijon marinated chicken breasts)

Now suitably full and in couch potato state of mind.  

Just glad to have us all home together for dinner and whatever form of activity or non activity we choose tonight.  Sit outside by the pool?  Maybe.  Veg on the couch with mindless tv or movie?  Likely. Maybe even a game of Cards Against Humanity. (Not sure why we bother... The dog always wins!)

Happy week to everyone else... It's our weekend, and we're gonna enjoy it!

Men's shirts

Gotta do some shopping in the next few days.  GFB needs some men's button up shirts, some loose tank tops and some gym shorts and sweats.  

She's gonna be without the right wing for at least 2 weeks and maybe as many as 6.  This oughta be fun.  Sometime while she's still stuck in a sling, before she starts physical therapy, is when I plan on taking my road trip.  Sorry BFB.  

So anyway... Shopping trip.  Most of the stuff is short term use, and doesn't need to be fancy, so we'll be hitting the thrift stores.  Have I mentioned that GFB isn't really a fan of shopping?... 

Yeah.  I think I'll just pick stuff out and get us out of there.  The last time she tried on jeans, I sat in a chair for an hour.  After wandering the store for 45 minutes.

Help me!

Solo road trip

At some point before new job starts I'm planning on a solo road trip.  probably through Nebraska and into South Dakota, before turning south through Colorado.... not really sure of the route or any stops along the way.  Planning on taking a tent and minimal camping gear.  I can even sleep in my car if I need to. 
There's a couple places on the list to visit, but plans are far from solid.  I just want to go and see stuff and take pictures and have the experience.  I don't have work right now, and things at home will continue to function just fine without me.  I think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. 
I'm not trying to "find myself" or trying to escape from anything.  I just think having this kind of time off and the financial means to travel for a week or two, is an opportunity I really can't or shouldn't pass up.
Might I just "find myself" while I'm roaming?  Maybe.  I don't particularly think I'm lost, but I may just learn new things about myself.  Or I may be miserable and sad after a few days and abort the trip and come home early.
I think I'll come out of this missing the folks at home, and with some really great pictures, and maybe a rewarding experience.  Maybe it'll be the trip of a lifetime for me. 
Any ideas, places I absolutely must see?  I'm definitely open to suggestions.
Planning on staying north and west of home, but not as far as California or as far north as Canada.
More details when they become available.

What's up with the lawyers?!!

For those that don't know, there are several ongoing legal issues in my life.  (All of you get your mind out of the bad place... It's not like THAT!)

Trying to finalize a divorce that's been in progress since December of 2012.  Per the last conversation with my lawyer all I need is to sign one piece of paper and get it back to him.  Problem is, I can't get him to call me back or send it to me.  I've been leaving increasingly urgent and decreasingly friendly messages for him to call me back for the last 2 weeks.  I'm so ready for the entire process to be over.  

The other is revolving around my late grandfathers estate.  Long story short: family drama abounds.  There is a property sale involved, and not only does this aforementioned family drama keep me from finalizing the estate and bring rid of these offending family members forever, the buyer of said property is now left hanging.  Totally unfair to her.  I wish people would heal themselves of their rectal cranial inversion, and stop being so hateful.  The lawyer handling this also seems to have broken fingers or has his jaw wired shut, because he hadn't seen fit to call me back after several unhappy messages in the last few weeks either.

So here I am.  Stuck with a very large amount of time off, and nothing to do but wait.  

And for anyone who knows me... I'm not exactly known for my patience.

So everyone please say a prayer to whoever or whatever you pray to, stick pins in your voodoo dolls with these lawyers in mind, cast spells or wave your magic wands in hopes that all this gets handled before I lose what's left of my mind, and before BFB and GFB need to find somewhere to hide my body.

Better things

I've gotten lucky again on the job front.  Was offered and accepted a nursing job for Uncle Sam.  I'll be starting at the end(ish) of September.

So glad I get to come home and stay at the end of August.

Missing BFB and GFB a lot.  GFB was out of town with family this weekend.

BFB and I spent some time alone. We did shopping and some lunch out.  Found some unfindable ammo.

We all went out together last night as a group to meet some of GFB's ref friends.  Think we all had a good time.  

It's funny how some things sneak up on you.  I'm realizing today how much I've changed in the past 18 months.  Aside from the obvious location change, I've become more independent and more confident.  More confident about my abilities, and about myself.  I've done things I never would have imagined, and overcome quite a few obstacles this past year, and I'm realizing that I'm a better, happier person for it. I thank my grandparents for making me realize what mattered, and for always believing in me, and loving me unconditionally like no one else ever has, or likely will.  And now I thank the two most important people in my life for loving me, trusting me, believing in me and supporting me.  

I love you more than I ever thought possible.  Thank you for making my life amazing.

Day 7.

Thankful for good friends, especially one I can call anytime, and she can be a bright spot in what's turning out to be a shitty day.  Grateful she can understand me through my tears and snot over the phone, and help me pull myself together  when everything else seems to be falling apart.  

Also grateful for the sun that I am currently baking under in an effort to forget the currently shitty day.

365 grateful day #6

Grateful for the man whose brain so wonderfully matches mine, and for the kiddie pool full of cold water for our feets and the cooler full of beer and ice.  Kisses.

Yeah, I forgot again. Sue me.

Apparently I've forgotten a couple days. Sorry, I've been busy sleeping, and working..

So day 3....

Grateful for my amazing coworkers and thankful for tympanic mSking me feel welcome.  

Day 4....

Fearful for the hot water in the shower

Day 5...

Grateful for the two people who love me, and being able to snuggle them both, and for getting some fantastic sleep.

365 grateful day 2

Thankful for the wonderful man in my life who didn't need to be up this morning so early but was anyway to wish me good luck on my first day before going back to bed.  I love you.

Doesn't smell right.

First night in the "new" place down.  Once I finally fell asleep I slept decent.  It just took me so long to fall asleep that I didn't sleep long enough.

Problem is..... I had a small bout of tears.   GFB and BFB are going about life without me.  And I'm missing things.  The inaugural game of cards against humanity, I should have been there.  Vegging on the couch, I should have been there.  Goodnight kisses, I don't get any.  And I want them. My bed also doesn't smell right,  ( mind you , at the urging of GFB, BFB changed deodorant and body wash because she "didn't like the smell", and now he doesn't smell right either.) it doesn't sound right, ( no snoring, and inhaled to be soothed by the snoring, and it doesn't feel right for a bunch of reasons.  I miss the arms around me when I snuggle into bed, I miss the cold hands, I miss the scratchy face kissing me when BFB gets home in the morning. (And that whole "I couldn't be bothered to shave look coupled with that smile and blue eyes, HELLA SEXY!, although he'd probably laugh and call me crazy) I miss.... Well I miss everything.

365 grateful day 1 ( again)

Ok.. I'm going to try this again.  I'm terrible at follow through, but I'm only disappointing myself.  No one reads this crap anyway.   No one even KNOWS about it.  I only write it for me really.  So......

I'm grateful for my job...(hopefully I still feel that way come Friday!) and I'm grateful for the wonderful people in my life that support what I'm doing, even if it's not easy on our life together.  I'm also grateful for the coffee that will be getting me through my day today since I'm clearly not sleeping.

A new "new" adventure

I've just moved for the 5 th time in 18 months.  Ok it's not really a move... I still live with BFBand GFB but took a travel nursing assignment in the almost middle of nowhere, so I have a temporary crash pad to sleep and eat when I'm not at home.  

On other fronts... I finally got to test shoot a Nano on Saturday.  I definitely liked it, and after fixing my air conditioning (DONT ASK) it'll probably be my next purchase.

#365 day 2

Grateful for the abundance of things I can be grateful for.  Good coffee, bacon, a comfy warm person (or two) to snuggle with at night, a job to go to and make decent money at, and this weekend, the opportunity to make a new friend.  I am blessed in everything I've been given this year.

#365 grateful day 1

I'm grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life and feel blessed to love them and be loved by them.

Oops.... No I didn't forget, I was just busy.

Ok, that's really a lie.  I wasn't really all that busy.  I didn't forget, but I guess I was just lazy.  Last time I mentioned finally deciding to make the move to Kansas City.  That was just a little over 2 months ago.  I've been all moved for about 3 1/2 weeks.  So things moved REALLY FAST once I decided to move. 
I actually start work on Monday.  I'm kind of grateful for that because I'm actually pretty bored at this point.  I think this is the longest in my adult life that I haven't been to work.  I'm excited but still a bit scared to go back to work.  Not only is it new people, it's a completely new facility.  I'm headed back to the ICU, and hopefully eventually to a position where I get to do both ICU and ER. 
Relationship wise things are great.  things aren't always easy and there are definitely things to work on, but overall I'm pretty damn happy. 
I'm back doing Crossfit again.  Thank you CROSSFIT BLUE SPRINGS!!!  And Becky and I are doing a Blacklight run close to home this August.  I'm back to running again, and I'm eternally grateful that the weather here is getting nicer.  I'm not a huge fan of the whole Severe thunderstorm and Tonado thing, but I'm still of the opinion that it's better than 14 plus feet of snow a year!
I've been reading all the FB posts from people doing the #365 grateful project.  Now I'm not one to keep going on something like that all year.  but I guess I'm going to try.  So my next post will be day 1.  And I'll TRY to do one every day.  They'll be separate from any other posts and may only be a word or two.  but I'm going to try.

Everything is coming together

It's been FaceBook official for a few days now.  I am moving to Kansas City.  Actually a small suburb about 40 minutes east thereof.  I have a new job, and movers are scheduled to come pick up whatever stuff I'm taking with me.  and my grandparents house is now on the market.


I am hugely excited.  I am also freaking out!  This is a huge life change, and a complicated situation to say the least.  This past year and a half has been full of huge life changes for me.  Things have been a giant roller coaster, and I'm looking forward to ending the emotional rollercoaster ride.


I'm leaving to be with people I love with all of my heart.  It's not going to be easy.  Not for any of us. But with a lot of love and a lot of patience we will all figure it out together.

Questionable taste in music.

Sitting at a good friends house, to watch her for her first night post op.  I'm sitting on the couch and realizing at best, that her roommate has questionable taste in music.  

It's rap.  And I can understand the lyrics. My biggest gripe with rap music is usually that you CAN'T understand the lyrics.  I wish that were the case here.  Pornographic rap isn't exactly what I was looking for right now.

But considering after one drunken night, I ended up in this particular roomies bed, half dressed and still semi drunk, I can hardly comment or complain.  

This is gonna be an interesting night!

I don't wanna!

Tomorrow I'm on a flight back to NY.  I don't wanna be.  I just want to leave life there behind and get on with my future.

Having my flights cancelled, although a pain, and inconvenience, was wonderful.  I enjoyed being able to spend time here.  Not sure if anything is going to come of the interviews, or resumes I sent, but hope springs eternal.

Apparently I have yet another legal battle awaiting me.  My wonderful family (yes that was sarcasm) is contesting my power of attorney.  Drama drama drama. I can't wait.  (Again, sarcasm) It's going to be a giant pain in my backside.

But on the flip side, I'm gonna get to spend some time with my love, and my Bestie is going to be in town, all the way from the land of mountains and palm trees.  I'm super excited for both.  Planning on a girls night with both!  Some  food and wine, and catching up.

It's going to be hard going back to work after such a long stretch off.  But I'm starting the process of saying goodbye to people.  I may be in a hurry to leave, but there are still people I'm going to miss.

It was just supposed to be a New Years Quickie.

Its a new year, and the way I see it, its the start of a new life for me.  That's why I'm out here in middle America.  Well, it's why I was here initially anyway! 


I came out so I could be with those I love to start 2014.  And I'm still here because of the lovely weather in the Midwest and the bracing cold.  What the weather channel is calling a "Polar Vortex" has essentially left me stranded in Kansas City for a week past my scheduled departure point. 
Keep in mind that I use the term "stranded" very lightly.  I have a place to stay, and actually in a few months that place will be my home.  I am already calling it such.  I have all the conveniences of home, coffee, hot water, internet, Netflix a kindle and my iPhone. Not to mention someone to snuggle with at night. 


My next flight attempt is scheduled for Friday afternoon.  And as much as I've thoroughly enjoyed being here, I need to go back, if only to wrap up my life there and finish the process of transferring it out here.  That process has already started.  On a whim late last week I put in a bunch of job applications and sent out some resumes.  Kind of just for the hell of it.  The punch line here is that the next day I got a call from my first choice employer asking about the probability of a job interview. 3 hours later, I was AT that interview.  Today I had an interview with a second employer via phone, and possibly a follow up in person before I (attempt to) fly back to blizzard ridden CNY on Friday.  I have also started the address change process and have opened a local bank account.  Things are definitely falling into place.


Now when I get back to blizzardville.. things are likely to be a mess.  Literally and figuratively.  I will have been gone for 11 days at that time, and my fridge was not prepared for me being away that long.  Yuck.  My cat will also be desperate to see me.  (PETA...  you can relax, I do have someone taking care of and feeding him, but 11 days is a long time for him to be home alone that much and its also a long time for the kitty litter to go without significant overhaul.)  And the mountain of things that I need to do, accomplish, take care of, get rid of, or get set up, gets bigger every day I'm gone.
I also have some legal matters that need tending to when I get home as well.  I have vowed that the disaster I am in the process of untangling myself from will NOT delay my departure.


2013 was a really rollercoaster type of year.  My life is significantly changed since January 1, 2013.  I have moved..  Twice. I have lost the most important woman in my life, the only person who ever really truly loved me for my whole life and the only person I have loved for all of mine.  I will feel her loss until the day I die.  I have ended a relationship, and found a new one that is beyond explanation. 


A really wise woman recently said that I've had a lot to deal with this past year, and that I needed to figure out what went wrong with what I had before to figure out how not to make the same mistakes all over again.  I have figured out what went wrong.  I was with the wrong person, and stayed for all the wrong reasons.  But everything happens for a reason.  I had to experience a relationship that wasn't right, and didn't make me happy, so that when the "right" relationship came about, I would recognize it for what it is. I now have the "right" relationship(s), and I recognize them as the pieces of me that I've been missing, that I wasn't even aware WERE missing, until I found them. 
I am now with the right people and extremely happy.  It makes every day worth getting out of bed for.  Even if I only get out of bed to make food, and then go right back to snuggle with one of those people that makes life worth getting up (and going back to bed) for.