Getting things sorted out

It's been a while, and there's been things in life that needed sorting out. 


People change over time and relationships, like civilizations either evolve and adapt, or they fail and become extinct. 


I'm choosing right now to see things in a positive light, and not to see a failed relationship as a negative thing.  I'm trying to see it as an opportunity.  An opportunity for all of us to get what we need from ourselves and from our lives.  Am I sorry that things didn't work out?  More than I can even express.  Am I sad to be saying "good-bye" to this chapter of my life? Absolutely.  Even though I am trying to be positive, I'm still allowed to be sad.  Am I sorry that I made the choices that brought me to here? Absolutely not.  I made certain choices for my life hoping for the best brightest future I could possibly have.  I refuse to regret those choices, because I do have great things and people in my life that I wouldn't have right now if I'd made different ones.


Life is a series of choices.  I don't think there are "right" ones or "wrong" ones.  There are just choices.  And each choice takes you to a potentially different place.  Kind of like the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books I remember as a kid.  But with life, you can't just start over at the beginning and make a different choice if you didn't like the way the first one turned out.  With life there are no "Do-overs".  You just have to move forward, toward the next inevitable set of choices.  And make whatever seems like the best decision for you at that time.  That's the best any of us can do.


I'm looking forward to my future.  Looking forward to OUR future, and whatever that may hold. 

Lesson learned.

It's 2 am.  And there's a strange tapping noise, like someone knocking gently on glass.  I am unable to tell, with the bedroom door closed.

I turn out the lights, to make me less visible, and wait a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark.

I listen at the door and still hear the noise.  Irregular but somewhat organized rhythmic tapping.  There is one other person home, sleeping on the opposite end of the house.  And once asleep, sleeps like the dead.  

I open the door and take a quick visual of the upstairs, almost all of which I can see from the doorway.  I am not yet visible to the front door, but will be shortly as I have to pass the door with sheer curtained sidelights on either side.  (This is my only way downstairs) I don't see anything upstairs, and peek around the corner to check the landing and front door, the porch light is off, and in the 30 seconds or so I watch for, I see no movement.  (Damn, I was hoping it was Lola!). I hear the tapping again, and it's definitely coming from downstairs.  I tread softly down the stairs as it occurs to me I do not know if any of the stairs has a squeak.  (After living here for a year, I feel I should know this). As I continue downstairs the tapping stops and I hear a soft thunk.  My black cat meets me in the doorway as I open the door.  This is comforting, because he can be very skittish.  If anything was amiss... I'd have never seen him.  He'd be in hiding.  Still mostly on alert I scan the basement (easy to go since except for the studs... It's still all open). I hear the tapping again and it's easy to locate the source even in the semi darkness.  There's a fluffy tail peeking out from the mini blind that covers the basement window.  That's the source of the tapping.  I walk over and pull up the blind by its string, and there sits Boris.  Tapping the glass.  As I look out the window into the snow covered yard, I see the small rabbit.  About 5 feet from the house facing North.  It's completely still.  If it hadn't been for the contrast of the snowy ground, I'd never have seen it.  

Me..."Boris... You're an idiot"

Boris....(continues tapping on the window)

Back upstairs, it occurs to me that I heard this noise over the furnace and blower.  And the dog, the ever faithful hound that protects against raping and pillaging from Fed Ex, UPS, the mailman  and all manner of unseen danger.... Has apparently no clue anything is going on.  She's happily curled up in the other bedroom, snoring away.

Back in bed, my heart beating at a more sedate, close to normal rate.... it occurs to me that I need night sights for my Glock.

Navigating 2016

The New Year has started and is in full swing.  It seems just like any other year, and still has all the problems and glitches that were present on December 31st.


One of those things I'm trying to fix is the muffin top I seem to have developed over that past year or two.  Stress used to make me drop weight like crazy.  Apparently over time my body has become immune.  I am no longer losing weight during times of increased stress.  I think I can partially blame that on getting older.  I'm staring 40 straight in the face, and I've decided that I don't want to look at it with this muffin top anymore.  I'm having some issues with hand strength and the quality of my grip, so I don't think going back to crossfit is a good fit for me.  There's too much that requires I hold tightly or with a specific grip to very heavy things.  My fear of hurling one of these VERY HEAVY THINGS at someone unintentionally, or dropping one of them on any part of my body does not seem appealing.
I think I may have found the answer to my issue in 9 round fitness.  https://www.9round.com
It's a heck of a workout in 30 minutes.  I did this yesterday and I thought I was going to die  , felt like I was going to pass out , Ok felt like I actually got a good workout, and was  sweating, glistening, sweating like I had just worked out.  It really wasn't that bad.  It was definitely like exercise.  Hard exercise.  But having a new activity every 3 minutes made it easier to get through.  The "I can do anything for 3 minutes" mentality heavily played into this.  I really did work hard, but know ing in just 3 minutes I could stop what I was currently struggling with, and move onto a different kind of struggle made it easier to get through.  When that bell rings to let you know there's 30 seconds left it makes you say "Thank God.. Only 30 seconds left"  but it also makes you push just a bit harder to do just that much more before the 30 seconds runs out. 


I am sore today.  I feel muscles that I haven't felt in a while.  My arms are screaming at me any time I try to lift them above shoulder level, and my thighs and calves are crying just a little every time I sit down or stand up.  I'm just hoping I don't have to squat for anything tonight.  I'm not entirely sure I could get up without help.  That being said, I'm still going to run the stairs tonight.  Maybe not with the intensity I usually do (this means it may be just walking the stairs and not involve running at all)


My plan is to go work out at least once a week, or maybe twice.  I really don't see me going much more, mostly because of my schedule and things that need doing,  but also because I plan on working out a bit at home on my own some days too.  I'm aiming to exercise 3 or 4 days a week total.  The plan is to get in better shape and lose most if not all of the muffin top before I have to wear a bathing suit in public again in April.  The only issue I see here is that when I lose fat in my muffin, I lose fatty tissue in other places too.  And I kinda like the booty and the boobs.  I'm going to be sad to see them go.