Getting things sorted out

It's been a while, and there's been things in life that needed sorting out. 


People change over time and relationships, like civilizations either evolve and adapt, or they fail and become extinct. 


I'm choosing right now to see things in a positive light, and not to see a failed relationship as a negative thing.  I'm trying to see it as an opportunity.  An opportunity for all of us to get what we need from ourselves and from our lives.  Am I sorry that things didn't work out?  More than I can even express.  Am I sad to be saying "good-bye" to this chapter of my life? Absolutely.  Even though I am trying to be positive, I'm still allowed to be sad.  Am I sorry that I made the choices that brought me to here? Absolutely not.  I made certain choices for my life hoping for the best brightest future I could possibly have.  I refuse to regret those choices, because I do have great things and people in my life that I wouldn't have right now if I'd made different ones.


Life is a series of choices.  I don't think there are "right" ones or "wrong" ones.  There are just choices.  And each choice takes you to a potentially different place.  Kind of like the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books I remember as a kid.  But with life, you can't just start over at the beginning and make a different choice if you didn't like the way the first one turned out.  With life there are no "Do-overs".  You just have to move forward, toward the next inevitable set of choices.  And make whatever seems like the best decision for you at that time.  That's the best any of us can do.


I'm looking forward to my future.  Looking forward to OUR future, and whatever that may hold. 

Lesson learned.

It's 2 am.  And there's a strange tapping noise, like someone knocking gently on glass.  I am unable to tell, with the bedroom door closed.

I turn out the lights, to make me less visible, and wait a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark.

I listen at the door and still hear the noise.  Irregular but somewhat organized rhythmic tapping.  There is one other person home, sleeping on the opposite end of the house.  And once asleep, sleeps like the dead.  

I open the door and take a quick visual of the upstairs, almost all of which I can see from the doorway.  I am not yet visible to the front door, but will be shortly as I have to pass the door with sheer curtained sidelights on either side.  (This is my only way downstairs) I don't see anything upstairs, and peek around the corner to check the landing and front door, the porch light is off, and in the 30 seconds or so I watch for, I see no movement.  (Damn, I was hoping it was Lola!). I hear the tapping again, and it's definitely coming from downstairs.  I tread softly down the stairs as it occurs to me I do not know if any of the stairs has a squeak.  (After living here for a year, I feel I should know this). As I continue downstairs the tapping stops and I hear a soft thunk.  My black cat meets me in the doorway as I open the door.  This is comforting, because he can be very skittish.  If anything was amiss... I'd have never seen him.  He'd be in hiding.  Still mostly on alert I scan the basement (easy to go since except for the studs... It's still all open). I hear the tapping again and it's easy to locate the source even in the semi darkness.  There's a fluffy tail peeking out from the mini blind that covers the basement window.  That's the source of the tapping.  I walk over and pull up the blind by its string, and there sits Boris.  Tapping the glass.  As I look out the window into the snow covered yard, I see the small rabbit.  About 5 feet from the house facing North.  It's completely still.  If it hadn't been for the contrast of the snowy ground, I'd never have seen it.  

Me..."Boris... You're an idiot"

Boris....(continues tapping on the window)

Back upstairs, it occurs to me that I heard this noise over the furnace and blower.  And the dog, the ever faithful hound that protects against raping and pillaging from Fed Ex, UPS, the mailman  and all manner of unseen danger.... Has apparently no clue anything is going on.  She's happily curled up in the other bedroom, snoring away.

Back in bed, my heart beating at a more sedate, close to normal rate.... it occurs to me that I need night sights for my Glock.

Navigating 2016

The New Year has started and is in full swing.  It seems just like any other year, and still has all the problems and glitches that were present on December 31st.


One of those things I'm trying to fix is the muffin top I seem to have developed over that past year or two.  Stress used to make me drop weight like crazy.  Apparently over time my body has become immune.  I am no longer losing weight during times of increased stress.  I think I can partially blame that on getting older.  I'm staring 40 straight in the face, and I've decided that I don't want to look at it with this muffin top anymore.  I'm having some issues with hand strength and the quality of my grip, so I don't think going back to crossfit is a good fit for me.  There's too much that requires I hold tightly or with a specific grip to very heavy things.  My fear of hurling one of these VERY HEAVY THINGS at someone unintentionally, or dropping one of them on any part of my body does not seem appealing.
I think I may have found the answer to my issue in 9 round fitness.  https://www.9round.com
It's a heck of a workout in 30 minutes.  I did this yesterday and I thought I was going to die  , felt like I was going to pass out , Ok felt like I actually got a good workout, and was  sweating, glistening, sweating like I had just worked out.  It really wasn't that bad.  It was definitely like exercise.  Hard exercise.  But having a new activity every 3 minutes made it easier to get through.  The "I can do anything for 3 minutes" mentality heavily played into this.  I really did work hard, but know ing in just 3 minutes I could stop what I was currently struggling with, and move onto a different kind of struggle made it easier to get through.  When that bell rings to let you know there's 30 seconds left it makes you say "Thank God.. Only 30 seconds left"  but it also makes you push just a bit harder to do just that much more before the 30 seconds runs out. 


I am sore today.  I feel muscles that I haven't felt in a while.  My arms are screaming at me any time I try to lift them above shoulder level, and my thighs and calves are crying just a little every time I sit down or stand up.  I'm just hoping I don't have to squat for anything tonight.  I'm not entirely sure I could get up without help.  That being said, I'm still going to run the stairs tonight.  Maybe not with the intensity I usually do (this means it may be just walking the stairs and not involve running at all)


My plan is to go work out at least once a week, or maybe twice.  I really don't see me going much more, mostly because of my schedule and things that need doing,  but also because I plan on working out a bit at home on my own some days too.  I'm aiming to exercise 3 or 4 days a week total.  The plan is to get in better shape and lose most if not all of the muffin top before I have to wear a bathing suit in public again in April.  The only issue I see here is that when I lose fat in my muffin, I lose fatty tissue in other places too.  And I kinda like the booty and the boobs.  I'm going to be sad to see them go.

Taking a Break.

It's almost the New Year.  I have decided that I'm going to take a bit of a break from The Book of Face.  I will be periodically checking my messages, but for the most part I will not be using it.  I have things that need doing, and there are better ways to use my time.  I tend to open Facebook as a default for boredom, or to fill time and I feel like I'm wasting moments that could be better spent doing something else.


I do plan on going back to school for my Bachelors degree soon.  I need to figure out what kind of time I really have to devote to this, so I can take an appropriate amount of classes.  I want to still have time to enjoy my life, and not be glued to a textbook every moment I'm not at work.  I did finally do my CCRN exam this past October and it felt great to finally get that accomplished.  Finding the time to study for it however wasn't the easiest.  I need to make some changes to how I do some things to give me the proper amount of time to study.  There's also a CEN Exam that I'm considering taking.  Not because I need to, but because I can.


Some of my family drama from the past several years is in its final phase of resolution. I'm going to have to be satisfied with how things are, because I just don't have it in me to fight anymore.  I'm just happy to have it done with.  And hopefully that really is the End of It.


Vacation picks are already done for the next year, and I'm looking forward to my time off.  Headed back to NY this summer for my son's high school graduation, and plan to see a few friends while I'm there and take a few days for myself afterward to roam the country wherever I like. 
There is also potential for an early Spring trip to a warm sunny locale with a good friend and his fantastic wife to be.   Just reapplied for the passport I lost during my 4 or 5 moves in 2 years.  I finally gave up looking for it.


Hoping that some of the other curveballs that life has thrown manage to level themselves out, so I can take a few deep breaths and just Be. 

Almost another new year

Another new year is upon us.  I honestly don't know where the year has gone.  Lots of things have transpired in 2015, but not nearly as much has been accomplished as I intended.  The best I can say is that almost all of the boxes are unpacked, and whatever isn't unpacked at this point is likely to stay in boxes indefinitely. 


Life is busy.  There always seems to be a lot going on, and 1000 things to do, but no matter how much is done there are still 1000 more things to do still.  There hasn't been nearly as much downtime as I would've liked to have, and not nearly enough "Us" time to just be and enjoy each other.  As much as I wish it would, that's not likely to change much, because Life.... Is life.  And life is busy.


Made a bunch of new friends this year, and they feel more like family.  Thank you all for accepting me into your "tribe".  I'm honored.  Still have the Family Drama.  Hopefully I can fully divest myself of that before the NEXT new year!  I also have a new addition to my family.  My Niece had her first child on Christmas Eve.  Welcome to Calliope Elizabeth.  I cant wait to meet you and have me some baby snuggles.


2016 is going to see at least one huge milestone.  My son is graduating from high school this year.  I may not be there every day, but he is the most awesome kid I could've hoped for and I love him to the moon and back, and I'm so proud of him for becoming the man he is today.  I miss him every day.


All in all the last year hasn't been exactly what I hoped for , and didn't always go according to my Grand Master Plan, (Life rarely does), but I'm happy, (mostly) healthy, and employed.  I'd say that's not too shabby.  My Grand Master Plan is still there for this year, somewhat changed from last year, but in a lot of ways similar. 


So, as this year comes to a close, and a new one dawns, lets all raise our glasses and be thankful for what we have while wishing each other the best for the New Year.  (And of course, wishing for world peace)


Happy Holidays!

It's good to be home

Just came back from a long weekend at "Secret Location" Colorado.  It was a family trip to have a freaking blast with a bunch of pretty much strangers.
Ok.. They were strangers to me and GFB, but sort of known via the Blogosphere by BFB.  Needless to say, I was a bit nervous going into a completely unknown situation.  I was told that the hosts were aware of our relationship situation and that the invitation had been indeed extended to ALL OF US. Still.. Nerves and such.
I swear this was the single most awesome group of strangers I've ever had the honor and pleasure to meet.  Everyone was friendly and welcoming, and yes... There were some questions about the relationship, but I don't mind having a DTR conversation with someone who is genuinely interested and not being icky or judgmental.
We had 3 days of shooting in the desert, beautifully awesome weather, a ton of fantastic food, decent booze (AFTER the shooting was done of course), and great company. 

Highlights of the weekend...

*EXPLOSIVES!!  (Totally legal, appropriate person with the right permits etc)  I got to blow stuff up.  Made a shot from around 330 yards, into something roughly the size of quart of paint, (taped together dynamite!!)  with a fairly new rifle (.223) that apparently had a loose mount for the scope.  Needless to say I'm totally stoked and pretty proud of myself.  I also made a shot from about 50 feet or so (maybe less) with a silenced .22 rifle into a very small bit of dynamite. Way less of a boom than the other, but still really fantastic!  BFB also had a fantastic shot into a much larger quantity from the 330 yard mark!
The same person who brought the explosives was also nice enough to bring a bowling ball mortar.  This was so cool.  Black powder, bowling ball, blasting cap, and pull the string to make a big boom!  Also a neat factoid.. The holes in the bowling ball give this thing a hell of a whistle for the duration of the balls flight. (imagine blowing across the opening of a beer bottle at high speed) 

*2 mag dumps from a Tommy Gun.  If you've never had the opportunity to try automatic weapons, I highly recommend it.  It's a fantastic rush and causes a bit of a permasmile.  Which for those of you who know me, is a huge difference from my baseline RBF (Resting Bitch Face)  I think I smiled all weekend long!

*A few shots from a .50 caliber rifle.  Talk about power! 

*Chicken butchering.  Now, Me being ME, I did not participate in this ceremony.  Although I think GFB was the ringleader.  Several of the participants ended up with some blood spatter, and sort of looked like something out of a crime scene, but it made for some damn fresh and tasty fried chicken.

*AWESOME, FANTASTIC, WONDERFUL, TASTY FOOD!  Thanks so much to Desi and Farm Mom for all work they put into feeding us all so well.  Cooking for 35 people is a challenge, and they did an amazing job!

Something also has to be said about the firearms.   I didn't count, but I'm going to say conservatively that there were about 20 people at a time between the 4 ranges (Pistol...25 yards,Short Rifle...100 yards to sight in rifles and plink, a Trap Range, and a Long rifle range... about 1000 yards, with targets at 250, 330, 500, and 750 yards) and likely 100 different guns circulating through over the course of the weekend.  Many of us were (with permission of course) shooting other peoples weapons and shooting weapons that were entirely new and unfamiliar to us.  The road to get to the parking area went directly through the Long Rifle range, and our impromptu outdoor bathroom facilities were somewhere over the ridge beyond the trap range.  With the exception of a few scraped knuckles, a bit of sunburn, a nasty foot blister, and a nice scrape of an elbow from a gun with a lot of kick causing said elbow to ride on some rough plywood, there weren't any injuries.

With all the news lately about how "Guns kill people" and all the anti gun sentiment I think this is significant.  If you listened to some of the extreme anti gunners out there, you'd think it was a near miracle that we all came out unscathed.   And I see lots of comments attached to these anti gunner's posts about Dumb Rednecks, and Ignorant Gun Owners.  I just want to point out that the combined intelligence at The Range this past weekend was staggering.  We had at least 5 police officers, more Military (active and retired) than I can count, MENSA members, Military consultants, an Emergency Medicine educator with years of experience, several published authors, scientists out of Los Alamos, a Critical Care Nurse, an Emergency Physician and much much more.  Many of us were prepared with medical equipment of various kinds, and I don't think we used more than a couple of Band-Aids all weekend.  This is because we were prepared, we used safe procedures, and we respected each other and the weapons we were using.

It was wonderful to get out in the daylight under such Big Sky, and play with all of the great people I met.  I already have it plugged into my calendar for next year.

Deprarture day

Departure day is tomorrow.  For the first two days I'll be doing more driving than anything else.  But I have a brand new car to do it in.
More updates from the road when I have an internet signal.